I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
