Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
