I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
