I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
