Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
