Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
