We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
