At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she told me i tasted like america
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
