I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
