ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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