im drinking this country out of the recession.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
