Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
