Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
