I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
