nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
