I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
