All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
