Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
