We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
