at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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