Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
