I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
