She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
