I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
