everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
