she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
