glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
