She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
