DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
