I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
