Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
do nipples grow back?
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