I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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