So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
