mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We need a shit load of segways right now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
