He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
