every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
