he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
