so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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