Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
How's work?
Spinning.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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