listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
