ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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