There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
