I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
