So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
