my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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