you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
