hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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