theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
