I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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