Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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