I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
