I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
someone owes me an orgasm
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
