So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You had me at "let me see your balls"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
