he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
