once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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