Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
