If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
